Mujhe Chhor do...

Mere haal pe.


Zinda hun yaar, kaafi hain

Perfectly Ordinary

And then there days I feel nothing. I learn nothing, forget nothing, lose nothing. I read nothing, watch nothing, love nothing and I cry for no one.




Meh.

Happiness...

is winter sunshine and vitamins. And head massages. I think.

I may be wrong of course.

Kali Pujo Check List

1. Khichuri for lunch - Check
2. Lazed all morning watching Austen adaptations - Check
3. Afternoon nap in lovely wintry sunshine -Check
4. Got pulled into random fight - Check
5. Lit up entire house with candles - Check
6. Almost set said house on fire - Check. (No kidding, seriously)
7. Pet the dogs in the para upset from all the horrible noise firecrackers - Check 
8. Went to the chhaat with ma to watch the fireworks -Check
9. Burnt some token (non noisy) firecrackers with friend - Check
10. Almost burnt down said friend - Check (No kidding, seriously)
11. Went for a brief late night Kali Pujo drive/walk -Check
12. Watched kali pujo anjali in pandal - Check
13. Stayed up all night -Check
14. Had an deliciously lovely time overall - CHECK!
15. Felt horrible and hungover next morning - Urgh. Check.

Joy Ma Kali

So, after years, it is finally a Kali Pujo at home. In the grad years I spent abroad , I have spent diwali, kali pujo either

a) oblivious, wrapped up in grad work
b) indulging in tokenisms, like making a batch of khichuri and wearing the only thing that is clean *and* "ethnic" in my wardrobe--which on this particular year was unfortunately a shada dhobdhobe mekhla chador which I wore with a sando genji as a blouse and hence looked like a bidhoba
c) forcing diwali/kali pujo on all my friends acquaintances by making thme sit in a room lit with as many candles I could salvage (which was always surprisingly, a LOT), cutting my fingers in in my excitement, and feeding them "Indian" food and sweets and refusing to play anything other than Indian classical music.
d) sitting in a room alone lit with three dozen candles, wearing my best salwaar kameez and eating all the marzipan chocolate I could and pretending to enjoy cheap red wine, just for the effect.
e)  doggedly ignoring all "Diwali Mela" invites from the Indian Student Association because, du'uh, it wouldn't be an "authentic" enough experience of Kali Pujo. Sheesh!

So now after many years I am back home only to realise and remember, that the only reason I used to be sometimes so intent on marking time with the holidays is I spent all my childhood locked in a house where we hardly ever were in a mood to celebrate anything, and festivals meant the distant and not so distant sounds of other people having fun.

So. This year I am gonna be a Kali Pujo monster. Mombaaati jwalabo. Thakur dekhbo. Alo dekhbo. Fuljhhuri jwalabo. Khicuri Khabo. Bhalo jama porbo. But no bombs. Screw the bombs.

I also have a slight fever so I am not sure how to accomplish all of this without getting seriously ill, but screw that.